Spiritual direction, therapy, counselling, personal coaching … all of them are opportunities to be present to ourselves, to listen for the truth of who we are. They provide safe spaces for exploring beliefs and perspectives that we have inherited or learned and support in discerning which ones we want to keep and which ones we would be better off discarding.
But why would we want to engage in this exploration in the first place? Isn’t this just navel-gazing, self-centredness, and a waste of time?
As someone who has participated in variations of each of practices as a recipient many times over multiple decades, I am passionate about the value of becoming acquainted with my inner self.
We came into the world as uninhibited little beings who expressed ourselves without hesitation. When we were uncomfortable, we cried. When we felt contented, we smiled. When we saw someone we trusted and loved, our delight showed on our faces. And yet, also, from our earliest days, we received both spoken and unspoken messages about who we should be, what version of ourselves was acceptable, and what parts of ourselves we needed to hide in order to feel safe in our world.
Culture, family and religious structures have all bombarded us with messaging about who we are, who we should be, and what we should want out of this experience we call “life”. We’ve been indoctrinated thoroughly into believing our value is from the outside in, that we can only feel fulfilled and successful if we’re living up to what external sources tell us is right and true.
Thus, we spend our lives chasing someone else’s idea of success. We reach the goals we’re told are important, and we feel only emptiness and wonder where we went wrong.
Regardless of the label or modality, any kind of time spent exploring one’s inner world in the presence of someone skilled at deep listening and objective reflection is an investment in discovering what has meaning for me as an individual. I believe that each of us has been created to reflect the Divine into the world. As such, the better acquainted I am with my own being, the more closely I am in relationship with the Divine.
I am human. I have flaws, and habits and defence mechanisms that result in automatic reactions to life’s experiences. As I grow in my ability to meet myself with care, I begin to experience tiny moments where I recognize opportunities to choose responses other than my automatic ones. This is what freedom looks like. This is soul-growth.
Soul-growth, in turn, increases my capacity to be present to others with compassion and empathy. I’m no longer stuck in instinctive reactions. I can be curious about myself and about other, and about that space where who I am overlaps with who another is.
The soul-work I do isn’t just for me. It has a ripple effect into the world around me. As I expand my ability to be present to myself, that helps me discover what truly matters to me. This, in turn, grows my capacity to relate to others from a place of honesty and clarity, When I am clear about what I need and what I value, it invites others into similar clarity and compassion.
This work is not for the faint of heart. Often, as we meet the inner layers of ourselves that have been left in shadow most of our lives, we come in contact with long-buried emotions whose intensity feels overwhelming. We wonder if we’re falling apart, if we weren’t perhaps better off leaving those inner places undisturbed.
This is where the compassionate presence of a skilled listener is invaluable. They reassure us that we will not be lost in the abyss, that there is beauty and light within, that we are worth the effort of inner presence. We metaphorically hold the hand of that one who has made their own journey across the swaying rope-bridge of self-discovery, and step by step, remember the Truth of who we are, who we were before the world told us who we should be. Together we continue to hold gentle presence for all that rises from the inner shadows, in the the light of that presence, the wave of intensity passes. A new gift of self-understanding reveals itself.
As we continually make the effort to be present to ourselves, over and over, we meet the Mystery that created us. We come to know ourselves as beloved, rather than deficient. It is hard work, and it is of inestimable worth.
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