What am I paying attention to?
I’ve been holding this question in my awareness lately, not making a value judgement on what captures me, but rather simply noticing where my attention goes, where it lingers, and how this affects my energy and my creativity.
I want to cultivate joy and wonder and connection in my life. I want to become more aware of the things that lift my spirits, that incline me toward kindness and generosity of heart. I want to identify and invest myself in those things that offer me a sense of meaning and purpose.
What I’ve noticed, though, is that my attention and my energy are easily captured by news events, political commentary, and my own reactions to them. It feels like I get snagged in a swirl of emotion before I even know it’s happening. Caught in my own reactivity, I am no longer “paying” attention. My attention is being held captive. This is followed by a sense of being drained of energy, so that I have nothing left to engage with creativity or delight.
Let me be clear—we are living in intense times. There are events unfolding all around us that deserve to be noticed. We must allow ourselves to see so that we can discern what is ours to do. However, this discernment can only arise from staying connected to what has meaning for us, to what nourishes us, to the (usually) quiet wisdom of our souls.
As author Valarie Kaur says, these are times that invite us to embody the archetype of the sage warrior. “The Sage is someone who loves deeply. You cultivate wonder for others and the earth and wake to Oneness. You build sovereign space where you can find refuge and rest in the wisdom within you. The Warrior is someone who fights for humanity, including your own. You access your agency and activate power. You choose courage in the face of crisis.”
The sage warrior reminds me of my capacity to choose. I honour my own agency by being intentional about where I invest my attention. There are times when I choose to inform myself about what is going on in the world beyond my four walls, and other times when I choose to shut out the cacophony. No matter what I choose, it requires an investment of attention, both in noticing external events and in tending to my own anger fear, and sorrow.
There are other times when I choose to be intentional about investing my attention in what offers me meaning, whether it’s a walk with a friend, a creative project, or reading a book whose words invite me toward soul growth or enjoy a well told story. This engagement with meaning can also take me into areas of discomfort, as I endeavour to be present to the the experiences and perspectives of those with less privilege than I experience.
I’m discovering that meaning is something I have to cultivate. Outrage and urgency get stirred automatically. Meaning requires effort on my part, care in protecting my inner wellbeing, and a certain stubborn yet gentle refusal to be sidetracked.
There is also the truth that, in my human frailty, it is not possible for me to be always intentional about where my attention is invested. Part of being human is that my focus and my energy will be hijacked. We are biologically wired to give more focus to that which activates our fear, our anger, and our feelings of inadequacy. Marketing and media are designed to take advantage of this trait.
Thus, part of my work of intentionality is cultivating compassion with my easily captured attention. When I notice that I’ve been caught in a current of reactivity, I gently soften around it, turn my focus from the outside stimulus and back to my own tender heart. I ask myself, “What do I need in this moment to return to inner wellbeing?” Sometimes it’s a simple as a walk or a nourishing meal. Other times, I need to reach out to a trusted friend for some verbal processing of what has captured me.
Every time I make a choice to refocus my attention on my own inner process and care, I am expanding my soul. I’m increasing my capacity to be present to both the brokenness of the world and the glimmers of wonder, delight, and connection. When I am connected to my soul, to my deepest truth, I can be present to both the awful and the beautiful around me. In the chaos and uncertainty of our times, I can be a bearer of light. This is what has meaning for me.
What offers you meaning in these times? What helps you stay connected to the wisdom of your own soul?
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