At the beginning of every month, I start a Scrabble game on our magnetic board in the kitchen. The name of the month is the first word, and other words are added which indicate significant events or experiences of the month. It’s a fun way to pay attention to what has mattered to all of us that month.
As I set up the board for July, three words came to me: courage, hope, and joy. Usually the words we add are much more concrete than that—place names, birthdays, etc. However, on the first day of this month, I felt a soul-nudge that having these three words where I would see them multiple times a day would be important. Little did I know …
By the end of that very day, I had received news that shook my world, life changing information about a loved one whose body is failing. As there always are in families, there are ripples of this situation that stir up so many feelings and reactions. There will be no speedy resolution. Life suddenly just got more difficult for all of us.
This is not what I wanted my loved one’s last months of life to look like. This is not what I wanted my other loved ones to have to live through. This is not what I wanted for myself.
I’ve shed lots of tears. I’ve gone for walks fueled by intense emotion, including anger at a system that fails us all when doctors can’t “fix” a problem. I’ve also had to be present to deep hurt at imperfect communication from people I love.
There have been other moments of feeling the strength of my soul, a knowing that I can meet whatever this new development brings to us all.
One of the things that helps me remember my inner wisdom right now is that trio of words: hope, courage and joy. Here’s what they mean to me in this time of personal turmoil.
Hope: This is a knowing that I can make a difference, that my simply showing up matters. I live halfway across the country from the crisis. Hope reminds me that showing up for my own experience, tending my own heart, allowing space for each and all of my emotions matters. Hope also reminds me that making an effort to be physically present also matters. I may not be able to “do” much while I’m there, but my presence matters.
This kind of hope isn’t about anything getting easier or better. That’s not the kind of journey we’re on right now. It has nothing to do with outcome, and everything to do with the way in which I make this passage. It’s also about remembering that good is possible, even in this.
Courage: This is a remembering that I can meet whatever difficult situation life brings me. I don’t get to choose my experiences, but I can choose the way in which I meet them. Courage includes making space for the most vulnerable emotions, the waves of stormy tears, and the helplessness in the face of inevitable decline and uncertain time frame. It also includes being willing to admit to myself when I need help, whether it’s a friend’s compassionate listening, practical assistance of some kind, or even reaching out for a therapist or my spiritual director.
Joy: Even when life breaks my heart, joy is still present, if I’m willing to let myself see it and receive it. I’m discovering that remembering both hope and courage play a part in my ability to recognize joy when it shows up. Allowing myself to receive the joy of a single, exquisite lily blossom lightens my heart just enough to re-remember my courage and my hope.
Based on what I hear in my spiritual direction room and what I hear from people I love, I think it’s safe to say we are all experiencing some form of life struggle. If personal life events aren’t weighing on us, the general state of our culture, our politics and our economy certainly are.
Hope is choosing to believe that who I am and what I do matters. If I believe this, then I will speak up when my words are needed, I will show up when my presence is required, and I will keep making the effort to be part of a kinder, more inclusive world.
Courage is remembering my own resilience, my ability to meet the hard things in life. We’ve all faced hardships we thought would destroy us, and here we are, still standing, still working for what we know to be right and good and true.
Joy is the gift that helps lighten the load, that reminds us there is still beauty, and love, and laughter, and they’re worth noticing.
I’d love to hear from you. What words are helping you meet the challenges of your life? And also, where is joy surprising you?
