A few months ago, I had the privilege of writing an endorsement for a dear friend who is launching a new website. The words that came to mind were, “She consistently helps me see the best version of myself.”
I have felt the enormity of that gift when in her presence, but writing the words made me cognitively aware of it. My head and my heart were joined in the awareness and I experienced a visceral response—a warmth that spread from my heart into me belly and expanded throughout my body. I felt my shoulders drop, my back straighten, and my eyes brighten.
That’s when I thought of someone else who offers me that gift. From her, the packaging is different. The interactions are much less frequent and there are fewer words involved. She has seen me at my worst, and doesn’t hesitate to speak the hard truth to me when I need it. Even in those moments, I know she sees the best in me, and she calls it forth, helps me remember it when I most need the reminder. I feel fully seen and received in her presence.
We all have that voice in our heads that is quick to point out our flaws and imperfections, most of which are actually just part of our humanity. But that voice nitpicks incessantly, often echoing messages we receive from our culture and our religious structures. We aren’t often helped to remember the good and the true and the beautiful in ourselves. The affirming voices in our lives get drowned out.
Theologian Walter Burghardt once described contemplation as “a long loving look at the real”. This is often applied to practices of attending to the awareness of the Divine in our lives, or of offering compassionate presence to the parts of ourselves we want to hide. I believe it also applies to giving conscious attention to the best in ourselves, the light others see in us that we tend to forget or disregard. The light in us is just as real as the flaws, and I would contend, even more so.
Take a moment, right now, to think of just one person who consistently helps you see your own light. Maybe it’s a grandparent who might be deceased, but whose love still warms your heart. Maybe it’s a beloved pet, or a good friend. Consciously receive, and accept as True, the version of yourself as they reflect it to you. May you receive yourself today with a “long loving look at the real”.
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