Quiddity

A writer friend introduced me to this word, and I love it. (Yay! A new way to use the letter Q in a Scrabble game.)

I am very drawn to anything that has to do with essence, with the reality of something beneath what is immediately visible. It is a hidden quality, often hidden even from myself.

I wonder why that is. Shouldn’t I be the one most aware of my own quiddity?

Unfortunately, culture and religion have taught us that how we appear is more important than who or what we are. This has, in turn, taught us to fear our essence, to feel ashamed of what is beneath the surface.

The Truth is that essence is multi-faceted. It is the core of me, that from which both my best qualities and those I deem my worst express themselves. 

Life has taught me that I need to “lean in” to my “best” qualities, and “overcome” my “worst”. Usually “overcome” means suppressing, camouflaging, even denying them.

Connecting with  my quiddity invites me to soften my judgements of myself. It reminds me that being human means expressing myself into the world with varying degrees of skill. Sometimes I am able to be attentive and openhearted. Other times I  feel overwhelmed and worn down, and can only bring my stumbling, grumpy, negatively-biased self to any interaction.

My quiddity lies beneath all those surface expressions. As long as I am only willing to see the “shiny” ones, and afraid to be present to the murkier ones, I won’t be able to feel under them to who I really am.

I also suspect that the deeper I go beneath the layers, harder it will be to put what I discover into words. As a writer, I love words. They are my refuge and my delight. Still, they are limiting. My attempts to express my quiddity with words is attempting to put edges around the ineffable, striving to attach a rainbow to a rock.

Connecting with one’s quiddity isn’t for the faint of heart. It is a lifelong process, a peeling back of layers, a sifting down to ever finer qualities. It asks me to stay compassionate with myself, to keep listening for what is important to me in this moment, to be willing to engage with Mystery, to touch the Unknown.

It is knowing that I carry the spark of Divine Love within, and that I am gifted with a unique way of expressing that into the world. My task, if I am willing to accept it, is to be willing to stay open to my own unfolding, to allow my Self to be who I am right here, right now.

It is a great calling, a grand adventure, a secret journey. I accept the challenge.