Until a year ago, I didn’t know I loved fishing.
I had experienced a version of it a few times in the past, but those experiences didn’t awaken anything in me. They certainly didn’t stir my passion.
I heard other express their love for the sport, and while I loved to witness their passion, nothing in me resonated with it.
Thus, that day in June 2023 when I spent all afternoon in the kayak, paddling here and there, casting my lure very inexpertly, catching nothing and yet came off the water with a deep sense of “I want more of this!” it took me by surprise.
For the first little while, I was carried on the momentum of discovering something new. I love to learn, and there is so much to be learned on the way to becoming a proficient angler. I also revelled in the opportunities to spend time with my son, doing something we both deeply enjoy.
It actually wasn’t until this year that I realized fishing has introduced me to myself in a new way. In order to reach some of the best fishing spots, we have to drive a significant distance from home then do some hard physical work launching the tandem kayak and paddling to the place we think the fish will be. I discovered that my body loves that hard work.
I also have discovered that even if it’s an “easy” fishing trip, not too far from home, fishing from a shoreline, I will still be tired at the end of the day, and very likely the next day as well. Fishing takes effort that I’m happy to expend … and I need to be intentional about giving myself adequate rest and recovery time.
I also meet my Inner Critic every time I go out. When the fish aren’t biting, or when I miss a hook set, it’s amazing how quickly an inner commentary begins. Particularly if we’re around other anglers who are catching with apparent ease, shame rises so easily. I’m obviously not very good at this. Why can’t I learn how to react more quickly and confidently to that “nudge” on the line? I’m never going to be good at this … and so on.
Not long ago, my son sent me a video clip created by an angler with his own YouTube channel narrating his inner experience while fishing. I was surprised and so comforted to hear him say the same things I feel when the fishing isn’t going the way I want it to. In this, I discovered my common humanity even with people whose skill I admire.
There have been many days of being surprised by how well the fishing goes. I’ve caught fish that took every ounce of my fledgling skill (and significant coaching from my son) to get to shore and in the net. Recalling the experiences as I write the word here bring back that surge of accomplishment and amazement at what I can achieve.
Whether the fish is a personal best, a new species, or an average size of a species I’ve caught multiple times, every catch is a thrill.
Perhaps that is the most significant discovery for me—my capacity for delight. Every catch feels like the first time, and I often laugh aloud. I’ve known the hard-working part of me was there, and I’ve experienced the deep satisfaction of a big accomplishment in other areas. Nothing else has introduced me to the innocent delight I experience while fishing. I am my most lighthearted self in those moments, a self that doesn’t come out to play very often.
So often our engagement with soul practices and our quest to become better acquainted with our inner selves is hard work. We meet discomfort and struggle. What a gift it is when our journey introduces us to joy, where we discover our forgotten capacity for wonder and happiness.
Leave a Reply