Life feels so very loud these days. It feels like all of the old, familiar rules for societal interaction have been replaced with a competition for who can yell the loudest, or point out the most flaws in … well, anything. Then there’s the overabundance of things happening in world events that are so not okay.
Reactionary energy is everywhere. It’s exhausting.
I remember my high school and college years where I was around people who were very certain about what they believed. These certainties covered every aspect of life, from clothing to leisure activities to friends to sexual orientation to politics. I remember hearing that there was a right way and a wrong way, and no middle ground. In fact, trying to find middle ground was a sign of defective character.
Everything was black and white, no nuance presented or allowed.
As I matured, this became increasingly frustrating. On one hand, the absolute certainty was comforting. I felt reassured that I was safe in being right, since I put maximum effort into complying with the expectations of those in authority. On the other hand, I also observed those very same people acting in ways they judged in others. There were brilliant justifications given which my logical mind accepted, but my gut whispered a different message. I also discovered lovely friendships with people whom my authority figures condemned and realized it was much more difficult to be dogmatic when allowing myself to see the entirety of a person’s experience and being.
By the time I reached my mid-20’s, the black and white dogmatism of my earlier years had ceased to be comforting. Rather, I felt confined by boundaries that had lost relevance. I began an exploration into what felt true for me, as opposed to what someone else told me was truth.
The process was terrifying, deeply nourishing, and non-linear. It was more of an unfolding, than a straightforward journey. Most of the time, it felt like finding my way in a metaphorical fog, half expecting to step off the edge of a cliff at any moment.
Then in my mid-forties, I embarked on training to become a spiritual director. We were introduced to a number of contemplative spiritual practices, and given writing assignments requiring that we explore our beliefs and theological understanding. We also frequently practiced the skills of deep listening with one another, which included reflecting back what we had heard without judgement or evaluation. I began to experience my own inner wisdom as a valid and valuable source of truth.
This new understanding directly contradicted my early training. I had been actively taught to distrust my own perceptions unless they conformed with what someone in authority believed. Cultivating trust in my own wisdom and my own being opened me to a new way of relating both to myself and to the world around me.
This is the root system from which my work as a spiritual director has grown. I feel it in my bones how vital it is that each one of us connects with our own inner truth, our own wisdom. I am honoured to listen deeply to those who come to me, reflect back to them what I have heard, and amplify for them what I hear of their inner wisdom.
Growing this connection with our inner wisdom requires becoming acquainted with who we really are behind the masks life has taught us we need to wear. It also invites us into loosening our grip on absolutes, and learning to hold the tension between opposites. We experience far less certainty, and far more peace.
This inner wisdom then invites us to notice our automatic reactions to our experience, including the ways in which we get swept away by the noise of other people’s opinions and reactions. As we give ourselves the gift of compassionate presence, we begin to grow a sense of inner belonging, or “inner home” that has nothing to do with the approval or acceptance of anyone else.
This is where we are able to discern our own right action in the world. This is always a moment-by-moment discernment, rather than a predetermined “right” or “wrong”. It always takes into consideration the needs of my own heart, body and mind, along with the needs of the world around me.
While the gift of my inner wisdom is a guidance system for me, it is never only about me. Inner wisdom will always lead me into relationship with others and service to my community. Sometimes this is reflected in taking time for personal retreat or rest because I can feel my need for replenishment. Other times, it pushes me outward toward the edges of my personality’s comfort zone in service of others. Most often, it’s somewhere in the middle, tending to the flow of life with a constant inner listening.
What kind of world would we live in if we were taught as children to honour this inner knowing and living accordingly, rather than socialized to make ourselves adapt to societal expectations? If, as teenagers, our awkward truth telling were valued and tended? If, as young adults, we were encouraged to listen for the vocational invitations of our hearts rather than pursuing the well-worn paths of capitalism?
It’s not easy to imagine such a society, and yet the hint of possibility delights me. I believe it’s the kind of world waiting to be born as the old systems are in their death throes.
What is your inner wisdom whispering to you today? If you’re interested in exploring this more, perhaps spiritual direction would be of support. I would be happy to hear from you.
