Anger and grief are constant companions these days as I see increasing evidence of the harm patriarchy has wreaked and continues to wreak in our world. As I am dedicated to the practice of allowing my emotions to be what they need to be, I’ve been choosing to welcome whatever wants to be with me in any given moment. (Much easier said than done!)
And also … it’s so easy to slip into reactive mode, particularly when anger is present. My reaction this week has been along the lines of “there’s nothing I can do to change the rotten system, so what’s the point.” On its surface, this doesn’t sound much like anger, but it is often where my anger takes me. It’s how my inner system tries to sidestep the discomfort of what I feel.
I journalled the feelings, including the “why bother”, which took me to “but I don’t want to numb out. I want to be present to what is mine to do.”
That’s when I felt the grief under the anger, the sorrow for all that patriarchy has imposed on us and taken from us, men and women alike.
I kept company with both emotions as they surged and ebbed, and I wept. There is a vulnerability in feeling the feelings, which lives right next door to helplessness.
But vulnerability is not the same as helplessness. Vulnerability is feeling the truth of the feelings, honouring how easily my heart is bruised, being willing to let myself bleed inwardly.
Somehow, allowing myself to touch my own vulnerability always reconnects me with my Truth, my courage, and my inner wisdom.
On this particular morning, the gift came through imagination. I experienced a felt sense of walking on the beach, feeling the waves wash over my feet, and then feeling the sand slip away beneath me.
Simultaenously, I received an image of the systems of patriarchy, and capitalism and white supremacy, as a great stone structure … being eroded at the base, their foundation slipping away like wave-washed sand. In my imagination, they are supported by lots of huge scaffolding that makes them look formidable. Yet close examination of the base shows a dissolving that will eventually bring the whole structure down.
This is the gift of my inner wisdom partnered with my innate creativity. It reminded me of the Truth of what is at work in our world beneath the surface of what I experience. It came to me, not just as words or thoughts, but as an envisioning of what is possible, what I believe to be real and true.
This is why creativity is so important in our times. There is no lack of voices eager to tell us what is no long working in our world. Some of them are right. Some of them are not. Our inner wisdom helps us detect the difference.
However, it’s not enough to identify what is falling apart, and what is no longer viable. If we want to be part of a new kind of society, a new kind of economy, a new kind of relationship with others and with our world, we need to have a sense of what that “new” might be. This is called hope.
As with anything creative, it starts with a “gut feeling” or a hint of something in our imagination. As we spend time with that feeling or hint of imagery, it reveals more of itself to us so that, with time, we discern what is ours to do in making that vision reality. We sense what is our first step, and then our “next first step”. We create the reality one choice at a time, one small action followed by another. We make the road by walking it, as Brian MacLaren says.
The inner wisdom each of us experiences individually is a piece of the mosaic of the great wisdom that gave birth to the universe and continues to guide its unfolding. As I tend my part, and you tend yours, all of the parts will eventually come together in the bigger design that is the new world we all want to experience.
So where do we start in this immense task?
We begin with the twin tasks of tending our relationship with our inner wisdom (which I also call tending our soul) and cultivating our creativity. Tending each will cause the other to flourish. And in tending my own soul, I’m part of the great tending of the soul of the world.
I invite you to begin by daydreaming. What kind of a world would you like to see come into being? What small difference would you like to experience in your circle of relationships or in your experience of the world around you? Let yourself dream it, and then let yourself express it in some way.
For example, one of the characteristics of the new world I long for is that we all know ourselves to be part of a web of interdependence, a rhythm of giving and receiving, in which all are supported. My expression of that dream is two-fold. I am being intentional about finding ways to connect with others, taking some small steps outside my comfort zone. The other part is speaking up about my own needs, thereby allowing myself to receive others’ care.
What is your dream? Let’s begin making a new world by dreaming it.
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