Are you okay?
Yes, I’m asking honestly. Your answer matters to me.
I watched a video this morning by someone who had received an unexpected text from a friend, asking that very question. The person making the video was deeply moved by the query, particularly since it came from someone he hadn’t seen in awhile. As often happens, his thoughts on his experience sparked my own pondering.
My last blog post offered some thoughts on the importance of companionship in our soul experiences of abduction and initiation. I encouraged us to reach out to ask for support.
The video I watched this morning reminded me of the importance of reaching out to offer concern and care.
“How are you?”
This question is so easy it’s become a kind of throwaway greeting. I often feel like there is really only one acceptable response, which is some version of “fine” or any other upbeat, confident, optimistic synonym.
When I am in the thick of a soul-initiation experience, a casual “How are you?” feels almost physically painful. I can’t offer a casual, happy response, and I also suspect the questioner doesn’t really want to hear that I’m in the depths of heartache.
I do want to qualify the above by stating that there are people in my life who I know really do want my honest answer to the question. I know they care, and they can hold space for whatever response I need to give.
Are you okay?
This question lands very differently with me. It tells me the questioner is aware that perhaps all is not sunshine and roses in my world. It tells me they actually see me and care about my experience.
This is not a question I would expect to receive from a clerk in a store or a stranger on a bus. It’s not a casual query. It invites me to stop and take a moment to consider how much of my heart I want to share.
However, answering this question honestly does ask me to be vulnerable, to admit that I don’t have it all together. (Hint: I don’t even know what “together” is these days!)
I invite you to sit with both questions for a moment. Is one question easier than the other to ask those people you care about?
I think we hesitate to ask, “Are you okay?”
We don’t want to seem to be prying into another’s personal life.
We don’t want to insult them by implying that they might not be “okay”. However, I think the truth of our times is that none of us is actually “okay”. We’re all carrying burdens that run the gamut from ordinary daily struggles all the way up to existential dread. It’s so not easy to be human, regardless of who we are, or what our responsibilities are. Inquiring into one another’s wellbeing might help each of us feel a little less alone.
Here’s a little surprise that often comes when I am asked “Are you okay?” Even if I’m feeling overwhelmed by my own feelings in that moment, being given loving attention by another often reconnects me with my inner resources. I discover in the moment that yes, I actually am okay. The “okay” sits alongside my grief, or fear, or discouragement. I notice I feel more than just the ache or the struggle.
I am reminded of my own Truth, and that is gift.
